the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So squirting runs in the family.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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