This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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