So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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