Apparently you make a good broom.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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