I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
