my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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