First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
