things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
