I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
is it fun? or sober?
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