My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
