My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
