I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
