last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
