just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
