She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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