what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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