Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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