Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need water and some morals
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
