he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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