i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
