It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
