So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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