just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
