thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
