There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
