It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
