The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
