My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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