i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
