we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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