He kissed a someone with a penis
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
