I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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