i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
