She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
