Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to sanitize my soul.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
