Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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