Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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