Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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