Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
