I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
