i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't turn off my feet"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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