it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
