I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize