You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Couch. On fire.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
