1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
