I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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