The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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