Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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