Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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