She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
